Originally Written for Middlebury College: The Resilience Project, December 21, 2014 - Updated: I remember the time I watched a documentary on Golden Gate Bridge suicides. Some of the men and women who stood on the railing, making the ultimate contemplation, were talked out of jumping by bystanders or recognized, as it was almost too late, that there was something worth living for. Still others couldn’t find the strength to endure any longer and simply let go. Is this “selfis

As we move into “Mental Health Month,” the new Netflix series, ‘13 Reasons Why,’ is at the epicenter of conversation. The show depicts the inarguably graphic suicide of its main character, Hannah Baker. A film adaptation of Jay Asher’s 2007 novel, ‘13 Reasons Why’ has been wildly popular; inspiring organizations like the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention to host conversations and webinars on how we can approach it as a “teachable moment.” ‘13 Reasons’ addresses a num

"nihil fit ex nihilo" Nothing comes from nothing. The rain washes over the streets of Manhattan in April and all that’s left behind is the occasional rotting cardboard sign. Months of darkness will soon dissolve into the sheen of another hot summer, but for now, I run along the drizzly East River just after sunrise. Beside me is my dog Remington, who is afraid of canes, small people, and sudden movements. She trips me at least twice, dodging something that isn’t actually ther

For some reason, I can only remember tiny snippets of the life I had before society decided I was suddenly an “adult.” The number eighteen is as arbitrary as any other digit; some have been through the unimaginable prior to the landmark, others haven’t. For me, early years were lost somewhere in time. I do hope someday I will find them again. Few and far between, the moments I remember involve pain, food, an animal - or some combination of the three - and were predictive of w

I wake up in the morning to 20 seconds of contemplation; the inevitable thought storm. It’s a new day with potential for all the good things I’ve only ever had for fleeting moments, but without fail, the mental game plays itself on. Will it be one of the good days or one of the bad ones, and do I determine the answer? Recovery has been a five-year-process; it will be a course of many more. But it still tortures me to wonder why on the outside I look so shiny and yet the mess

“Young Adolescents as Likely to Die From Suicide as From Traffic Accidents,” a November 3rd New York Times headline reports. The number of girls committing suicide has been increasing disproportionately by the year. I could have been a piece of this statistic: the slow, silent deterioration of my mental health began in adolescence. I decided to take a radical approach to the problem I viscerally knew yet had never challenged. Social Media infiltrates us with unrealistic ideal

This is a "reverse poem" in which the words read top-to-bottom and bottom-to-top. It was challenging to write, stylistically. But with the challenges we face today, I found that the most difficult part was meeting my goal of having it be more hopeful bottom-to-top. Reverse It. There is hope But We can’t always see it Through the veins of human apathy: Hate spreads like fire Isn’t it wild? How beautiful our world is So much good still binds us Love is the most powerful weapon

It’s National Suicide Prevention Week 2016 and I have something to say. World Suicide Prevention Day 2016 takes place on September 10th this year. It is a day that exists to remind us that we are human, that we have lost wonderful people to this disease and that people like you and me have a lot to live for. In the last few months I’ve done exactly what I promised myself and others I would never do: I’ve allowed discrimination to silence me. The last time I shared a mental he

Transparency (WeAreOrlando) "Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free." -Jim Morrison ​ [Fears hinder | habits obstruct | expectations silence | judgments reduce.] ​ We are expected to be fearful of the inevitable -- the early 20s ‘career path’ dilemma, marriage, a few years later – kids, money – other classic, age-relevant generalizations we attract as if “ask me about this, I’m begging you” i

Resilience Project, Middlebury College Sand to Stone Lately I’ve found terror on my dinner plate again. Please, have a side of paralysis with your chicken. The mirror is no enemy to me anymore. It’s learning to unlearn the art of starvation that once robbed me minutes, seconds, hours of my life. It’s “losing control” each and every day and going to sleep knowing I may never have it back. And they say that’s a good thing. It’s a good thing. It’s falling out of love with the fi

Today is a significant day for me because June 21st is the longest day of sunlight each year. As someone who has fought for years against a darkness I’ve only recently come to better understand, this day represents so much to me. Light has flooded into my life in unimaginable capacities this year, thanks to all of you, and I am so grateful for that. It has been almost a year since I made a scary decision to finally start living authentically and visibly. A year... wow. I reme