- Lindsay S. Wheeler
No shoes on the couch
Updated: Feb 5, 2019
She said “you’re a mess”
“Wash your hands when you come inside”
I grew up, stopped playing in the dirt
She said “tone it back”
“Be just enough of yourself that you won’t intimidate the boys”
“Men always wear the pants,” she said
She said I’d never find someone to put up with a personality like mine
I took ADD pills to tone it back
I focused, ate less, and wore her clothes
They never really fit
She said “cheer up, you have everything”
So I cried alone in my car
I cut holes in leather to free myself
Escaped to my own sad world
So I could blend better into her perfect one
She said “I’ll always be there”
“I’ll watch you walk down the aisle”
“I’ll do your hair in a bun with messy waves”
She said I’d be beautiful someday
She said to walk like a robot but talk like a lady
She said no shoes on the couch
“They will tarnish what is perfect”
I took my shoes off
Stopped bringing my ugly into her home
She disappeared for months at a time
Said I was still “too much”
I spent years trying to rid myself of the “too much” in me
I became too little sometimes
She took from me what she didn’t have
Gave away my secrets like free furniture
The sanctity of my trust
Left at the end of a very long driveway
She said “turn down your music”
It wasn’t ladylike to play sad songs so loud
“Sad music is for sad people”
“And your life is perfect”
I went for the lead role in her story
To find she didn’t need me
She was a one-woman show
And when I stopped acting
The curtains closed
And I never saw her again
